Saturday, June 24, 2017

Soft Hearts In A Harsh World






 Do things for people not because of who they are or what they do in return, but because of who you are.  ~ Harold S. Kushner Quotes

Some times in my life when everything has become such a state of the unknown, I gravitate to reconnecting with my inner child. Instead of holding back, I yearn to release my pent up worries and remind myself of the joy God has granted me.

As I make plans to travel to Port Alberni, I have been able to get a reprieve from my car and stay with a couple - Ryan and Alicia. They have taken me in once before and I am deeply grateful to be welcomed back. 


Alicia and I first met at her workplace, two years ago. As time went on, our paths would intersect and I shared parts of my journey. Just as I can be guarded, she and I each deal with trusting others with caution. In letting down our defenses, we have known parts of our lives are wide-open to sharing. While others may be shielded from seeing what lays behind the masks we wear, both of us have made the effort to work, bend and meet each other half way in our friendship. 


When I became homeless, Alicia was one of the first people to shed tears with me in public. Shortly after divulging my situation, I received a message asking me to return to the business, where she works. I arrived and was handed a card. I could tell she was filled with emotion and when I opened the envelope in my car, I was too. She had hand written a lovely message into a beautiful card, along with a $50 gift card for Wal-mart. Right away, I knew what I would purchase, as I was in desperate need of it. Upon returning to see Alicia, I proudly displayed my new, 4 piece luggage, in a wonderful lavender hue. Having lived out of plastic bags, my stuff was in a state of disarray. Now having proper luggage and a place to store things, gave me a sense of organization. It broke the line of poverty and gave me satisfaction in knowing that at least I owed proper luggage that was Alicia’s favourite colour. Seeing her face light up knowing she had helped me, brought happiness to us both. 


I kept in touch with her and when I was dreading another night spent in my vehicle, Alicia’s boyfriend Ryan suggested I stay with them. This week when I faced another night of car camping, I was welcomed back again. Both of them have a compassionate heart for me and what I have been enduring. While I have been grateful for those who have contributed in many blessed ways, the warm bed and friendly company I have in staying at their place, even temporary brings me peace. Living the lifestyle I do, my eating habits have been something of a chaotic nature. I have lost weight-- eating whenever I am able to and dealing with spoiled food in a cooler-- I cannot keep cool enough. Being at Alicia and Ryan’s, I have been treated to hearty, healthy meals prepared with their own hands. I get overwhelmed writing this as their kind gesture of sharing food with me, equals a sense of fellowship that helps me feel connected with our world. 

Miss TA and Alicia
The other day, Alicia and I found ourselves in a park, nearby her home. The sun’s rays cast warmth around the playground we were at. A trip to the local dollar store had us load up on bubbles, badminton rackets, a rainbow twirler and a princess kite, which Alicia had splurged for. While playing with a Frisbee, a little boy around 4 yrs old came over, as his dad watched his son joined us in our bit of fun. After we blew bubbles and watched him gleefully chase them away. Later, we engaged in what must have been the saddest game of badminton…the birdie hitting the grass, more than the air made us burst into giggles.  Alicia’s hearty laugh made me break open with my own raucous laughter. Later, as she glided mid air with her colourful twirling ribbon, I let the moment settle within. It felt good to feel happy and be silly for a change, instead of all the constant worry I have to deal with. 

Girls Just Wanna have Fun!

Once back at her home, I walked into her kitchen to see a rainbow array of nail polish and face scrubs. My friend announced with glee that she was going to pamper me with a facial, manicure and even give my toenails some sparkle, which I thought was brave of her! Listening to music, I was in awe at her singing away to tunes of days gone by. As our faces cured with our skin treatments, we sang along with Terry Jacks- Seasons in the Sun, and Stevie Nicks –Edge of Seventeen. After, we again broke open into laughter when it was discovered my drying white facial made me resemble Beetlejuice! When Ryan came home, he was in for a surprise, as we were dolled up like two old bitty’s at a spa. 


For me, it was the caliber of my friends care for me that had me think of how all things done in labour is prompted by love. In addition to what I have shared, Alicia has written me a letter of reference, which lets me be able to share with potential employers about who I am. I feel at home in their home; at ease with striking up a conversation with her boyfriend Ryan, who has been supportive of all I am pursuing. I have even been welcomed in by the many adorable animals they have and as a house/pet sitter, I have grown fond of Kirra and Sunny, who keep me company in the guest room when I sleep. 


Over time, there has grown a circle of friends who do not lay judgment on me. This past year has been filled with many S.O.S calls that have placed a burden on those who I confide in. I will admit this has not been a banner year for me in terms of shelter and job security, yet those who have ridden out the storm, can see how hard I have tried. Getting back on my feet is more than just a paycheque away. It means for me, to never forget those who have been pushed to the brink and carried some of my weight, upon their shoulders. It is the measure of endurance in helping a friend out in need, without knowing when it will come back in return.



I have had to stand taller than ever, in lending my voice to the cause of which I live-- in and out--of on a daily basis. In stripping away the stigmas of the labels attached to me, I have peeled away the tiers of scorn and stood for something. 
 
In receiving such compassionate help from others that includes those in the USA and on Vancouver Island, I am now able to drive to Port Alberni and make the connections with those I have been speaking with, over the telephone. Without this tight knit group of friends, I shudder to think where I would be? The phrase on a wing and a prayer comes to mind. 

Gift from the Heart to me by Alicia
I know this year has been challenging on those who care for me… as when I have been hurting, they’ve hurt too. When I’ve called in a heap of tears, barely audible over my most recent set-back; I understand they have felt helpless. Beyond all that… they have blessed me with contentment, knowing that when I do reclaim my life again; those who have been troubled by my difficulties will be rewarded by my successes. For in sharing my tribulations, my prayer journal contains the name of every person along the way, who I have not forgotten. 




In my realm of fellowship, the heroes who have come up alongside me, wrapped me in hugs, weathered my tears and told me I AM Worth it, all have vouched for me. They are a collective group of friends that I consider family, each of them who are waiting in anticipation for the next chapter, to be written. 


“Heroes didn't leap tall buildings or stop bullets with an outstretched hand; they didn't wear boots and capes. They bled, and they bruised, and their superpowers were as simple as listening, or loving. Heroes were ordinary people who knew that even if their own lives were impossibly knotted, they could untangle someone else's. And maybe that one act could lead someone to rescue you right back.”


― Jodi Picoult, Second Glance



By TL Alton

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